Friday, January 13, 2012

The Queen of Tarts

Now I am not a naturally pretty woman. I was not gifted with the looks of people like Sharon Stone or Michelle Pfeifffer or the fabulous cheekbones of Audrey Hepburn or say Super Model Paulina Porizkova. I have to face my fabulosity (thanks Kimora for that word!) I really like that word.. I think it describes my world.. even on the NO make up days I embrace that word!


So I decided, since it is like 27 degrees outside, and too cold to do anything outside, that I would play with my makeup and take pictures after each major step. I do consider it all major, I mean I need that makeup.. Like a back alley whore needs crack!



So I am just going to jump right in here and start the amazing metamorphis of Terri! buwahahahaha The first step is to wash the face really well and maybe even exfoliate. I am not a beautician and don't pretend to be, this is just how I do my face. Okay, now that I got that little spiel out of the way, after I wash my face I put moisturizer on.. I use Olay.. the age appropriate kind, for my age. Then I use some Loreal' line filler.. I have way to many of those little bastards, not to use "wrinkle putty"! So here is the clean face look, nice and lotioned up  ~ TA DAH! ~ What a fucking nightmare! Scary isn't it?!



Then I put on my cover up and my pancake makeup up.. I know what your thinking.. pancake makeup, how old school is that! Well look at me, I am pretty fucking vintage, aren't I! Pale too, I mean if only I sparkled maybe I could be a Cullen, even though I was totally team Jacob!




Next I have to put some eye makeup on. If there is one thing that I really, really, really need  it is eye make up. Tell me that I am wrong. lol. Also, don't worry, I did blend the makeup into my neck. I hate it when women and their daughters don't know how to blend their pancake makeup. Seriously, don't you look at yourself in the mirror while you are doing it? Do you put it on the Stevie Wonder way, blindly? It is not a good look! Blend that shit~ I also had to put on some eyebrows, I have really light eyebrows.. face it, every thing about me is pale. No, I don't put them on with a sharpie! I try to blend them with a color that matches what little color that is in them.


FAIL



She didn't even get a sharpie that matches her eyebrows to her hair.. but maybe she saved some money and used it on her lips and eyebrows?




Okay I have the day time eye look going here. Not too much, not tarted up to bad. I love that word, "tarted" up! I always tell "Lovin' Man" that I am tarting up for him, when we are going out for dinner or the movies or something. I am guessing he prefers me tarted up too, I mean, would you want to go around with some vampire pale woman with NO eyelashes?




I couldn't handle it anymore, I had to put the lips on. Usually for my daytime look, I use a color that isn't shouting out "look" at me! But I can't wear those really light tones either... peaches and pale shimmers and such. I have to have something that will define the lips. Okay another complaint. I can't handle the ladies that have like a light color lip with some dark ass lip liner. Seriously? Come on, you look ridiculous.(example is three pictures up)  JMHO and since this is my blog, my opinion is the one that counts. A little Covergirl blush to give me some color.




I had to do some curls in the hair. My hair looks really bad straight, or so I think. Again, that fits into the catagory of my opinion is the only opinion that counts. :D Thanks for understanding. If you are a woman, you know exactly what I am talking about. If we don't feel we look good, the whole shebang is ruined.




Since "Lovin' Man" and I were going to go out and eat, I thought I would do the the "Tarted Up" version. I use a red lip glossy stuff from Sephora. Yes, that is the name of it.. red lip glossy stuff. lol I just can't remember or even see what the hell the name of it is! I also use a lip liner brush. I love makeup brushes! To top it all off, I use a little bit of bronzer.. and it has some shimmer in it. I guess maybe a little part of me wants to be a Cullen. whahahaha

So ladies those are a few of the things I do, to try and "Tart Up". Depending on what I am doing that day and where I am going.. it might be more or less. If I am going to walmart, I don't worry about makeup and usually change from clothes into pj's!


(Jennifer, I didn't copy the war paint idea but I kind of gave a twist to a makeup lesson... I can't even think of writing half as good as you do.)

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